Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
