O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
