Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
