What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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