I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
