3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
