went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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