I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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