Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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