pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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