Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
