your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
