there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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