My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
did i just pee glitter
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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