Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize