Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
