if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
pop tarts are not kleenex
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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