After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
