i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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