please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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