just tell him i said nine months
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Randomize