i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
