it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
