She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
