for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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