3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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