You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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