while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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