i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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