i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
