Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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