Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
