they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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