i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize