I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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