Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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