I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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