we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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