the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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