just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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