I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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