all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
