so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
