the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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