I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize