He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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