I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
it glows. i had to have it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
