The brown eye won't let me do that either.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
