Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
