how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
