I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
