I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
