I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
