he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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