take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I think my moral compass just broke
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
