yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
