my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
