He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I still have a little drunk in my system
We need to get me chipped asap
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
