Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
