singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My penis needs a shock collar
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
