you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
