I think im going to throw up on grandma
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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