Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
