I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
