batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
