My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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