it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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