I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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