There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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