There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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