I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
