i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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