Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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