I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
