so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
