So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
