I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
