Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize