he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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