It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
