k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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