Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The ass gains better be worth it
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