Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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