nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I love you. Go after that dick
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
