He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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