he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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