my phone needs a breathalizer
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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