a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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