I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
