i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
