Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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