I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
