I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
