She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
