can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
