don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
