A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
