weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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