Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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