Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
