I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
