I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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