Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize